This evening was absolutely still, absolutely silent. I felt I could hear the sun set if I listened.
Listening … I received a message a couple of weeks ago, just: YOU AREN’T LISTENING.
There is so much to hear, inside ourselves and from our hearts and from God, if we would quiet and listen.
Yesterday I went to town; today stayed in the truck until after noon, and those are the best days, when I stay in the truck and pray, feel, read, journal, write, and don’t come out until that inner-directed intention has become the character of the day. Then I come out and work for a few hours, in the warm afternoon. That seems like the right balance and priorities.
News item: This morning I discovered black bugs in the poop hole! Such excitement! From being at Reevis I know what a healthy poop hole looks like: millions of bugs busy down there, and they process the input immediately. At Reevis we didn’t even throw sawdust down there, just some dirt occasionally if it was overused and there got to be a smell. When the process was finished – which we could see in old outhouse holes when we dug them out to reuse – what was left was just sandy soil, not even compost. This system has worked well for decades at Reevis. So it’s been creepy and sad to me that nobody (nobody with six legs) has been interested in my excrement – a sign of how lifeless and depleted this place is. But today, bugs! About fifteen little black bugs, and a few big ones, checking out my “fertility” hole. Maybe they came over with the cattle that were grazing around camp this morning. To me this is a very exciting positive development, the first little cell of vitality that I seem to have co-created here. Yay for bugs!
I built an A-frame level today, and started the low hoophouse – but I don’t want to write about those tonight. I want to write about Eric Francis, the astrologer from New York, whose reading for 2014 for Sag (that’s me) kept me in the truck all morning. His work has helped me understand what on earth is going on in my life, why I feel so much impetus toward emotional shifts and this feeling that something very important is going on but I can’t say what it is. Some of the things he says about Sag are so flattering and key right into my specialness addiction:
It would be very beneficial, for yourself and for others, for you to do the work to become an enlightened person
We need you to be at your clearest and most evolved spiritually, because you are an important piece in the rest of our connection to the source.
Isn’t it nice that he said that about me? 😛 The truth is, seriously, that I feel these statements are true of everyone. That every one of us who, as Eric puts it, “lives up to our current level of spiritual maturity” (meaning living what we know or believe to be true), will embody what he calls “organic spiritual leadership.” This possibility isn’t, obviously, only for those born in November or December! And it isn’t for some chosen person or persons, who for some special reason are destined to be the first mortals after Jesus to become at-one on Earth. We are all little acorns, and every single one of us has the possibility of growing into a mighty oak – I mean, a Christed person. And whether that happens for each of us depends only on our own choice. Just the simple choice to desire that, and to enact that desire.
A very powerful thing to understand.
I’m grateful that this place is becoming what I meant it to be, a place for focused attention to soul work and prayer. I’m grateful that the first thing I think to do when I wake up at dawn is to say good morning to God. I’m grateful that I’m beginning to understand why things have happened as they have in my life (and am growing in compassion for myself through that understanding), that I seem to be connecting better with my spirit guides and guardians, that I don’t feel so competitive anymore, that I realized that my persistent feeling that it was a strange thing to center God so much in my life came from my father’s attitudes which I absorbed, and that I can change that feeling in myself just by choosing to.
Enough for tonight. Time to listen.